The sixth month

We left you with waipo so we could go to Phuket. It was odd without you there but it was a nice break.

All I wanted to do was sleep early but all your dad wanted to do was party. It got me excited at the prospect of bringing you on your first adventure. I’m a hypocrite. Before you were born, I believed that bringing kids on vacations are a waste of time and money because you won’t understand what’s going on and most importantly, you won’t remember. But here I am, planning to bring you to the beach and wanting you to experience autumn in Melbourne. This was all quickly put to a stop by the covid-19 virus.

The pandemic has the world in shambles. It really goes to show how unprepared people are to surrender their comfort and what’s familiar – yet these are the same people excited . You have people panic buying toilet rolls and others who act like they are untouchable. If the world was coming to an end, I’d be more worried how I’m going to brush my teeth rather than how I’m going to clean my butt, but I guess we all have our priorities.

I did stock up on your formula though, I bought four 2.4kg boxes. It’s not that I was afraid you were going to starve, but more so that I wasn’t looking forward to searching for the brand you’re used to in the midst of all this chaos. You might find it hard to believe, but shelves have been empty ever since the discovery of the ‘Wuhan virus’ as it was first called. It forced human selfishness to the surface and reduced many into beasts.

People would buy up sanitizers and surgical face masks in order to profit from them. A box of 50 masks generally go for less than RM20 a box but is now marked up to RM150-200. A friend told me how she was shoved out of the way because a lady thought she was reached for the last roll of toilet paper. It’s insane, it’s crazy… And all I can think about is the poem by Rudyard Kipling.

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you…”

Everyone is not thinking straight. Fear is a scary thing, it can eat you up like hydrochloric acid, leaving nothing, not even the bones of your character. I would love to teach you this poem because it reminds me to stay humble and understanding. I hope I get to read you many poems. I realize that the poems I remember most are the ones I read as a child. I feel like they are powerful words that echo throughout your life.

You’ve started to grab things and this means you scratch yourself bloody. You’re also trying to crawl, it’s hilarious seeing you thrusting yourself forward but staying in a stationary position. But your legs and arms are strong, sometimes I see you – Liam – making your way across the floor, wriggling off the bed and removing yourself from where I put you. It’s a little nerve-wrecking, because sometimes your dad actually moves you and I freak out for a second thinking you’ve disappeared. This is the heart of a mother. In a split second, she can expect the worst, nor matter how illogical it is.

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