The tenth month

My lil chubsters! You’re sitting up so much now, crawling and exploring all the time. The world is so fascinating to you and I can see that you’re really excited to get involved. Everything grabs your attention – the pacifier clipped on your onesie, the phone in Daddy’s hand, the books that you chomp on…

I find it so amusing when you two sit on each other with your big smiles. You also try to stand, holding on to your walker or the edge of the bed. We made a Father’s Day gift together and I discovered how hard it is to make prints of your little hands and feet.

They aren’t so little anymore. I remember when you were tiny and you were so fragile.

There was one night when we ran out of formula, so I thought maybe we could try giving you water instead. Liam took one drink and let the bottle roll around the floor with the most forlorn expression I’ve ever seen on a baby. Thankfully, we have a friend whose baby is around the same age, drinking the same formula, so Daddy went to pick a packet up from them.

Don’t judge us too harshly – we stocked up on a ton of formula at the start of MCO and going out was an anxious event. Everyday, we lived in fear of contracting the virus and bringing it home to you and your brother.

There’s pros and cons to this pandemic. We got all the time we wanted with you and I’ll always treasure that, but the virus made us negligent. I lost Sunshine and learnt a valuable lesson. Never entrust something you love to someone else because you hope they will love it as much as you do. It’s not anybody’s fault, you just can’t force love.

Sunshine passed away today and I feel like that both of you knew I was unhappy. Liam clung to me and Tobias kept smiling at me. I’m so thankful for the both of you. You give me comfort where there is none.

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