We’ve done it! The big o-n-e. We had a full day planned for you guys, cake smash in the morning and dinner at night. Tobias attacked the cake and stuffed his face but Liam you were so reserved. I don’t think you liked the mess.

Honestly, just look at how far we’ve come. from tiny screaming babies to plump little floofs that still scream occasionally. Liam more than Tobias, but man when Tobias screams, he is a siren. But there’s nothing funnier than him shouting or babbling at Liam when Liam is crying. Sometimes he looks so confused why Liam is making so much noise but other times he looks downright annoyed.

You both had the chicken mee sua I prepared with baby noodles. It’s the first proper meal I have ever cooked for you guys and you do seem to enjoy it! Even Liam, my haughty food critic who turns his nose up at everything.

It’s been a year of growth and learning. Funnily enough, loving you has taught me to value myself. I can’t wait to see what you make of yourselves, and even if you never become great successes, mom loves you for you. All I ask is that you do not harm, cheat, or steal. As long as you have kindness in your heart, I would have succeeded in being a mother and that’s all I could ever hope for.

My darlings, you are everything I’m grateful for. Without you, I would never have learnt how to love myself the way I do now. I love myself for being your mother and I love having you as my children. My world is brighter with the both of you in it, so if the world ever gets you down, just remember that you have made a world of difference to me.

Love,
Mama

On the 19th of Aug, I saw Tobias stand up while staring at me. It was like you were saying Look! Ma, no hands! I feel like this is only the first of many watch me moments, many of which will leave me holding my breath.

Liam you pooped in the bathtub! It’s with giddy horror that I looked on that first time and saw something float around in the water.. and you and your brother playing with it!!

You guys love to crawl to the toilet whenever you get the chance and if our bedroom door is open, you’ll make a crawl for it.

Can you just imagine.. it’s almost been a year since we brought you home. You were so tiny and now you both can stand unassisted! Every morning you wake me up by standing at the foot of my bed and playing with my toes or talking with one another. I love your morning smiles, so sweet and full of promise!

You also had your first staycation this month. One day we’ll bring you camping with us. I honestly cannot wait.

My lil chubsters! You’re sitting up so much now, crawling and exploring all the time. The world is so fascinating to you and I can see that you’re really excited to get involved. Everything grabs your attention – the pacifier clipped on your onesie, the phone in Daddy’s hand, the books that you chomp on…

I find it so amusing when you two sit on each other with your big smiles. You also try to stand, holding on to your walker or the edge of the bed. We made a Father’s Day gift together and I discovered how hard it is to make prints of your little hands and feet.

They aren’t so little anymore. I remember when you were tiny and you were so fragile.

There was one night when we ran out of formula, so I thought maybe we could try giving you water instead. Liam took one drink and let the bottle roll around the floor with the most forlorn expression I’ve ever seen on a baby. Thankfully, we have a friend whose baby is around the same age, drinking the same formula, so Daddy went to pick a packet up from them.

Don’t judge us too harshly – we stocked up on a ton of formula at the start of MCO and going out was an anxious event. Everyday, we lived in fear of contracting the virus and bringing it home to you and your brother.

There’s pros and cons to this pandemic. We got all the time we wanted with you and I’ll always treasure that, but the virus made us negligent. I lost Sunshine and learnt a valuable lesson. Never entrust something you love to someone else because you hope they will love it as much as you do. It’s not anybody’s fault, you just can’t force love.

Sunshine passed away today and I feel like that both of you knew I was unhappy. Liam clung to me and Tobias kept smiling at me. I’m so thankful for the both of you. You give me comfort where there is none.